She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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