this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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