What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
