So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize