Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We need to get me chipped asap
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
