the condom got lost in my hair
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
