I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
why is half of my head shaved?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
