one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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