i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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