she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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