Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize