I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
