i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
