Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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