How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
