You're completely useless in the revolution.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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