I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
