Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
