The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
