Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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