when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
