I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
