I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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