So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
