You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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