I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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