Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
