She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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