I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
