My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
