I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize