It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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