So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
