I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
