i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
