Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
