Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
