he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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