dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
