You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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