Already got asked if we're dating
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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