She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
