Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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