2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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