the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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