White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
