respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
