so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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