it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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