I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
