Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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