Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
