Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
