What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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