this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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