then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
