this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
