i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He did a backflip because drugs
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