one word: firstdatebathroomanal
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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