You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
