Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
