Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize